How to Make a Beautiful Bride Ugly

This weeks writing prompt "How your audition for a trashy reality show would go?" Boy do I have material for this!

For some background...It was the height of wedding craziness in L.A. Wedding planners were vying for top billing and over the top weddings. New bridal magazines were being published... and television shows developed on what seemed like a daily basis. In the email inbox was a constant flow of teasers for auditions. So, no, my tale is not one of taking my top off to date a has-been rock star or a middle aged (although HOT!) soap opera stud...my trashy reality show had much more tame content, but was trashy nonetheless.

How to Make a Beautiful Bride Ugly

In my ultra-glam life as a wedding planner in L.A., I was introduced to some casting directors at an industry event. They were there with a purpose, of course - casting a new reality show for a major cable channel. Armed with their video camera, the group was asking wedding planners "How would you plan a wedding for $5,000?" Apparently my charm and smart ass comment was a hit. Oh, you want to know my answer "Drive thru McDonalds - a complete meal and a party favor - and call it a day."

Yes, that lovely answer got my foot in the door. By the time I auditioned for "The Show," I was feeling pretty confident. One of the casting directors had taken a liking to me (not that kind of a liking...he was gay!). He told me what to wear, what they were looking for, and that I was one of the top four already. He even told me what my role was - they needed a stern but lavish planner, an eccentric male planner, and a best friend planner - that was to be me!

I arrived, portfolio in hand and looking oh so fabulous...only to be greeted by a waiting room of my peers. No worries - I had this in the bag (I really did). But, my oh my, let the snarky comments commence! The competition was fierce...seriously do not EVER underestimate the competitive nature of the wedding planner. After enduring newer planners worrying and wondering and asking constant questions, and more experienced planners commenting about "How would I find time to do this with a baby and all," every time the producer came out, it was my turn to take the stage.

I make my video, meet with the producers, and in an instant I am being whisked into another room to talk money, time commitments, and meet with the writer (yes, people, reality shows have writers and producers encouraging certain "things" to happen.") What just happened here? Oh, I was hired! I am handed a contract that basically reads "You agree to work for two months on end with peanuts for pay...starting the day after tomorrow. We will call you at all hours of the night. You will provide us with any and all information you have collected through your years as a wedding planner. We will abuse you. You cannot tell anyone what you are doing. If you mess up, you owe us $1,000,000. Please sign and return this in twelve hours."

I am assigned a couple...a very cute, young, charming couple. The writer tells me to give her four scenarios and themes for "my couple" within the next two hours. OK, get real, this is L.A. - it will take that long just to get back to the office. They don't care - "This is Hollywood, baby!" I am to come back tomorrow to present the idea in person along with all vendors and props. I work all night, ignore my family, and shop for my props (spending my own $$).

In the morning, I chat...argue..with the writer. It seems they don't really want a $5,000 wedding. They want a $50,000 wedding basically given to them for free by my contacts in the industry. They are, however, going to pass it off as a $5,000 wedding. They also ask me to "create conflict" and go against everything the couple has asked for. For example, my bride was modern and edgy - she was in a rock band - but she explicitly stated she wanted a white wedding dress. They refused to let me dress her in white...I could pick black, pink, or yellow. "Hello, I thought I was the planner?" I quickly learned that many reality shows don't want happy...they want drama, they want tears...anyway they can get it.

The next day, as I prepare to return for the second part of the audition, I get a phone call. Seriously, I am in my car driving north. The conversation goes something like this...
Producer: "No need to come in today."
Me: "Oh, are we rescheduling? I am totally ready."
Producer: "No, we won't be needing your services anymore."
Me: "May I ask why?"
Producer: "You ideas are not wokring for us."
*CLICK*
Me: "Hello..."

WTF! What just happened!? I am all kinds of ticked off...and sad...and totally bewildered. I was genuinely excited about this project and it turned into a big fiasco. Within the hour, I start getting phone calls from my industry contacts...all the ones I had provided them with. They had all been contacted by the show and been asked to participate. I must say, I have some pretty amazing wedding pals, because when they were told I was no longer working on the project, the said "No!" Yes, they ROCK!

So, yes, the show was produced, and it ran for two seasons. The wedding I was supposed to be a part of was just awful - they tried to implement many of my ideas...they sucked at it! They even managed to turn one of the most beautiful brides - inside and out - into an ugly mess.