The Only Corner To Put Baby In Was Dirty: Tales from Family Camp

Writer's Workshop Time!
For your reading pleasure {ha, ha!}, I am selecting
Prompt #2: Tell us about your trip! 

{This is a slightly PG rated post for mild language}

The Only Corner To Put Baby In Was Dirty

Once or twice a year, hubby and I have the same argument...where are we going on vacation? Pre Baby No. 2, the answer was Hawaii. Post baby No. 2, the thought of a 5 hour flight...the time difference...and traveling with my husband who pulls out his "ASS" Hat {and proudly wears it} the minute we leave the house for the airport, was more than I could handle.

A couple of years ago, I took the bull by the horns. I have always wanted to go to family cap. Um, yeah Dirty Dancing was one of my most-favoritest movies ever! I could actually hear "I've had the time of my life..." playing as the theme song to our vacation. I had dreams of cute little cabins, talent shows, entertainment, activities, and good old-fashioned camaraderie amongst "campers"...how could you beat that!?

Joe was turning 7 and always was asking to meet new friends. At Family Camp he would have his own activities...there would be kids to play with...he was going to LOVE it. As for Baby No. 2, she was just shy of turning one...so that was not going to be easy no matter what, but still I wouldn't have to cook, we wouldn't even have to decide where to eat...and we were staying in California - no time difference to mess with naps or bed time...PERFECTION!

Hubby reluctantly agreed to my wild fantasy of "Dirty Dancing" Family Camp. I was even able to find a great deal on a camp - which was also highly touted in a well-known magazine. Summer vacation begins in early June for us, so we were able to hit the road the second week of June. Better yet, this camp was offering 40% off of their regular rates---Dealicious! If you have ever priced these camps...they are not cheap...in fact Hawaii would have cost less {at full price}, but at 40% off it seemed the time and the price was right.

As per the website and lovely person on the telephone, we were promised lakefront rooms, a heated swimming pool, 3 gourmet meals per day plus a full 24/7 snack bar, campfires, theme nights, horseback riding, mountain biking, water skiing, canoeing, fishing, rock climbing, archery, riflery, and more! There was baby sitting and organized activities for the children all day..."Mom HEAVEN" was waiting for me!

We packed our car to the brim and headed for our destination. There was a big powwow that night and we didn't want to miss a thing. We survived the drive to be greeted by a big dirt lot, a pond posing as a lake, a bunch of pissed off parents, kids running everywhere, and camp counselors and staff hanging out at the pool...and no one in charge who knew anything about anything!

We settled in to our less than welcoming room. It was ugly, disgusting, dirty, and buggy, with straight-from-a-rental-cabin-this-is-what-we-had-left-at-home-and-instead-of-taking-it-to-the-Goodwill-we brought-it-here 1970's decor. I was still seriously appalled...at full rates, the cost of this place rivals the Ritz...so I was not expecting so much dirt and tackiness. We also had our very own glorious smelly, musty bathroom...just what every vacationer dreams of! After recovering, we headed down stairs for the big powwow. It did not go as anyone planned...

{the following is a synopsis of our powwow}

Camp Dude {CD}: "Welcome. We are glad to have you here...Yada...Yada...Yada...We just wanted to go over a few rules and let you know when meals are served. You all will pretty much be on your own this week as our activities do not start until next week. We'll have the pool open for you a couple of hours each day, and the craft room will be open tomorrow for a few hours. The lake will be off limits because the lifeguard isn't here, but there are many hikes and trails to check out. They are just a short drive from here"

Me:..in my head...looking around: "WHAT!? Oh CRAP. Hubby is going to K-I-L-L ME DEAD RIGHT NOW. How did I miss this? Where was this on the website or when I called? How, oh how did this happen...this week is going to suck BIG TIME."

Then, I snapped out of it and I heard it...the rumblings...the whispers...and then one mom, who was traveling with two children under the age of 2 1/2 asked...yelled...the question..."WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

CD:"This is not a full program week. This is a trail to get us ready. We do not have all of the counselors here yet. We are not ready for campers."

Somehow, he and the few staff members present were not immediately strung up by their toe nails and tortured by the 50 or so families. Much to their credit, each the families other than "that one mom," remained calm and told CD that we were not told that little detail, and they better figure out a way to make this "right" right now! Collectively the families agreed to leave the next morning and dispute our credit card charges if something didn't happen and QUICK!

To help our cause "that mom" packed up and walked out right then and there. The rest of us were just dumbfounded and thinking what are we going to do with all these kids and nothing to play with, nothing to do for one week. This was our bonding moment at camp. We figured we outnumber them and therefore, we can pretty much do what we want...we will go in the lake, we will have a campfire, we will not let "you" ruin the trip.

To their credit, CD and his superiors pulled together some activities for the next day. They called in every counselor they could, and offered a half-ass program for the kids. Not to their credit, they left my 7 year old son alone on the dock fishing {when he was supposed to be in their care} because the girl counselor wanted to water ski with the "hot" dude.

After 2 days, they offered every one free mountain biking, horseback riding and water skiing on the pond (we knew there would be additional charges for these activities}. We all decided to stay. We made the camp ours...we raided the kitchen at night and took the s'mores fixins', we made our own campfire, we played games...it was fun, but not what it was supposed to be...

My son was able to do archery and shoot BB guns and a rifle - to this day, if you ask him, he will tell you it was one of the best vacations ever {other than Hawaii}. As for me...it was miserable...everything was dirty...the dining room was dirty, our room was dirty - nails were falling out of the bunk bed - that is good for a one year old to play with!, the playground was a bunch of broken plastic climbing structures, there were a bunch of horny single parents trying to hookup with one another, one man who seemed to think he was the camp stud {NOT!} and his wife the camp MILF {glad he thought that, but double NOT!}.

As for the camp counselors, they were too busy flirting and hooking up with each other, they took up every chair at the pool and jumped in front of us at meal time to care about the campers...apparently we were interrupting their vacation! To add insult to injury, they were having training throughout the day and evenings on how to greet and treat the campers coming to stay. They even had s'mores and campfires...we were not invited.

This was no Dirty Dancing experience. It was dirty but there was no dancing, and certainly no "Johnny." There was a "Baby" though. Although I am pretty sure some of the other antics that happened in Dirty Dancing were happening in the counselors quarters. I would be remiss if I did not point out that on our second to last night there, camp management called us all together to thank us for staying, and offered us and additional 50% off of the already 40% discounted price. That helped easy the sting of the vacation, but we all would have rather had the experience we were promised.

And, hubby obviously didn't kill me,

but I am not allowed to plan vacations anymore.

Has anyone ever been to family camp?
Anyone have one to recommend - I swear I want to try this again!
Happy Camping!
Holly

P.S. I had a really hard time deciding between this trip or the time I almost got left at the train station in Rome...or when I told the Frenchman at the Louvre in Paris how fantastic their restaurant was because I felt like I was in America...I may have to post that story too...coming soon Holly's European Vacation....

 I am linked to  It's So Very Not Quite Right at It's So Very Cheri