Tales From Reality TV...The Bathroom Edition

After last weeks tale of reality TV wedding chaos,
I though I'd share another one of my adventures on TV.
This one is a little different.
It was on a major cable channel,
but it too involved chaos.

It began innocently enough...back in my wedding planning hey day I had contact with a lot of TV peeps - someone was always looking for a bride, groom or vendor to be on a "new" show. One day a producer for a "talk show" called to see if any of my brides wanted to be on a particular show. There were requirements: you had to be a busy woman, you had to be available the next day for filming, you had to own a house, and have a big bathroom.

This particular segment was for a master bathroom makeover...not a full makeover, just a easy-peasy accessorizing makeover to make you feel like you are in a spa when you come home at the end of a busy day.

After a few attempts at finding a bride, I called the producer to tell her it was a no-go...she said "Do you want to do it?" At this time my son was about 1 and she thought it would be perfect to create a spa like oasis for a busy working mom.

Let me think...you are going to fancy up my master bathroom (which was huge but blah). YES! I am a glutton for punishment (this happened after Part 1). I completely understood that there would be no new tile, vanity, etc...that this was a cosmetic/accessory fix. Still..no problem...sign me up!

Here is where it gets good...

I get Mom on board to watch Joe.

I clean the bathroom.

I buy a new outfit.

My husband rolls his eyes.

The next morning, the crew arrives and spend hours setting up in the upstairs bathroom - lighting, cameras, taking parts of my window out so they can film from the balcony.

Downstairs, the on site producer interviews me...
asks to film me interacting with my son...
yells cut...
then the producer says to my mom...
"Take him. We are done with both of you. You can leave."
That was so warm and fuzzy right?

Finally the "host" shows up...late and complaining...and way too full of herself.
She goes up stairs to scope out "the set."

I head up stairs, I find the host laying on my bed - waiting. Wow that is class!

They do the reveal. Here is where I have to act...I was expecting a beautifully appointed master bath - candles, towels, shelving, plants, etc...but I got:
a two seafoam green towels,
a tabletop fountain,
and a Pepto-Bismol pink robe.

I take a BIG breath and put on my happy face,

"Oh wow...this is so gorgeous. Just what I need after a hard day. You all are so amazing." (BLEK!)

In actuality it looked like they went to the clearance section at Bed, Bath, and Beyond...which I later found out that is what they did.

The host then says...
"Why don't you take a break now and enjoy your gorgeous bathroom."
I am handed the robe. Yep, they want me to put that on and be filmed looking like a Hostess Sno-ball. Then they ask me to get into the bath (while wearing a bathing suit - thank god the getting in part was not filmed!).

Now the real fun begins...they have been at my house for 10 hours, insulted my mom, insulted me, slept on my bed, and now everyone is frantic because...
"We are losing light!"
Now we go into fast forward....

"Get in the tub...close your eyes relax...say something relaxing...say something witty."
You have to get this right we have 5 minutes.

HALT...

The camera crew on the balcony has freaked my dog out - he starts barking and trying to jump over the fence - scratching and howling galore.

The neighbors hear the commotion...
they call...I cannot answer - I am in the bath...
they come over...ding-dong...
I jump out put on my GORGEOUS pink robe...answer the door tell them what is happening...puzzled looks on their faces.
Run back upstairs, jump in the bath...
finishing filming...
or so I think...

...I hear hubby (I so thought they would be done before he got home) the producer and host (if you only knew who this was...but I won't say!) tell my husband he needs to go find some place else to hang out for a couple hours.

Pin drop....

That did not just happen...oh yes it did. A few "nice" words later,
hubby goes downstairs to wait. He gives them 20 minutes to finish and be out.

I am finally down with my "relaxing" bath. I get dressed. I talk to the producers. They start packing up the accessories. Um, I thought I got to keep the decor...
that is what Producer #1 said.
"Oh no honey...we need this for filming in the studio.
Then we will messenger it back to you."

I am slightly dumbfounded but at this point exhausted
and beat up and just want them out of my house.

After they leave I find the host's very expensive shoes.
I call Producer #1...she calls back 2 days later.
I ask her about the decor/props/etc.
Ya know...when might I be getting them back.

Her: "Oh we returned those items to the store."

Me: "I thought I was supposed to get them."

Her: "Oh yes, but we found out we were over budget...so we had to take them back."

Me:"...even the robe I wore."
(Yes it was ugly, but seriously at least throw me a bone)

Her: "Yes. All of it. I'll send a messenger for the shoes."
Click.

That was it.

Sno-Ball or have seafoam green towels or a table top fountain...but it was the point of it.

This experience was very different than my other experience...there was not a million dollars involved, just an ugly worn pink fluffy bathrobe (shudder) and a very irritated husband.

For all of my bad tales...
I do have two really good ones...
anyone want to hear those?
I know, I know...
tears and drama and much more exciting
and make better TV than happy, happy!

Whew...sorry that was long!